You thought she was lost, and what fools they are. Thinking a girl like her, who’s toes have tipped rock bottom before, needs saving? Really, all she needed was someone who would DO EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID..they would do. She already knows how to do it..ALONE. Maybe she just didn’t want to. Maybe I’m just different..NOT NEEDY. For me, being alone is much nicer than being around people who get pleasure from belittling, or Insulting to make themselves feel bigger. I recognize the way walls can close in..inch..by..inch. The easiest way to get someone like me to accomplish something…tell them they CAN’T DO IT! I have always had the greatest respect for the ones who have fought the toughest battles, again..an again..and come up short every time..BUT..THEY NEVER GIVE IT UP. That alone is courage & triumph most people will never know..NOR ever understand. It really has nothing to do with pride. It’s the purest form of independence a person can be..because it can only be found deep in just a few souls. They doNOT seek anyone’s approval. Something that beautiful was never intended to be SAVED BY ANYONE.
It’s not being born brave..It’s not being born strong..IT’S just that the universe has decided THIS ONE..will have GRIT and FIRE and STEEL in her blood..She’ll face trial after trial, be broken and damaged in countless ways. BUT..THIS ONE..WAS BORN TO FIGHT..When you don’t let people disrespect you..then they start calling you MENTALLY ILL..YOUR MANIC..OR YOU MUST BE ON DRUGS! BUT there is still a voice I hear..”BABY YOU GOT SAND”! “What’s SAND Dad”? “TRUE GRIT BABY”!
MY DAD..MY HERO!!
NEVER waste your time with self-pity! That will get you nowhere..it will ONLY hold you back. Remember the only thing that stays the same is..EVERYTHING CHANGES! So move with it. Learn to adjust, take chances. Try something new..you just might surprise yourself. I believe we are not meant to do just one thing forever..sometimes if your stagnant, it will be forced upon you. So better if you get ahead of that. Just remember..WHEN YOUR GREEN..YOUR GROWING..BUT..WHEN YOUR RIPE..YOUR ROTTEN! I believe we are meant to REINVENT ourselves many times throughout our lives. And it’s always best..YOU figure that out alone! After all, you’ll be the one doing it.
PLEASE..KEEP YOUR DAMN SWEARING TO A MINIMUM WHILE IN THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN! HAVE RESPECT FOR THEIR INNOCENCE! INTURN..THEY WILL RESPECT YOU LATER IN LIFE..
I’m not a reflection of your insecurities. So swallow your venomous opinions of my life, I’ve devoured demons greater than you..I’ve slept with the spirits of REGRET, Befriended pain, made heartache my lover..So come creep into my soul and see if you can survive the night..I THINK NOT
Now as far as Mental Health EXPERTS..psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselors, head-shrinks.. In my experience of seeing any of these (so called experts) NEVER MADE A SINGLE DAMN DIFFERENCE! They all want to put your ass on drugs..to change your way of thinking. You know..act right. They will always find something wrong with you..they need to, otherwise they won’t make money. So they make you dependant on them. I had a tough time after my husband started cheating on me then threw my ass under the bus, and my son decided he hated his mother. So for a few years I go see all kinds of these (EXPERTS). There was just ONE I saw, the appointment took all of about 10 minutes. He told me “there is nothing I can give you to help with what you have”. I asked what was that? He said a broken heart. Looking back at all these experts I saw was not just a waste of money..but a real damn waist of my time! They told me nothing that I didn’t already know and put me on all kinds of fucken drugs..(to FIX me). IT DIDN’T. So I quit going, got off all their shit drugs. And wow..I feel great! Funny thing most of them would ask me if I heard voices or saw things that weren’t really there. That cracked me up! I’m thinking..well if I heard voices or saw things..I’m pretty fucken sure they WERE THERE! So on this it’s really – TO EACH HIS OWN! And just a little reminder TO THOSE who Psycho Analyze someone ELSE..KEEP YOUR UNPROFESSIONAL opinions to your damn self! Even the (so called) experts DON’T KNOW JACKSHIT! At best..it’s just a damn guessing game!
IF you park your kid in front of a Television set or a hand held device..or even man made toys, YOU are robbing them of their own imagination & creativity. So they learn to..NOT THINK FOR THEMSELVES. When a child has to rely on themselves for their own entertainment, they build self-confidence an independence.. This is what leaders are made of. And of course..for those of you who sit your kids in front of a TV..or whatever and have disney on..just know..YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING THE LATEST PORN SITE FOR KIDS!!
REMEMBER: A person can become so determined to destroy another person..that they become blind and end up destroying ONLY THEMSELVES. And YOU know who YOU are! You’ll be the ONLY one who pays!
People will come back into your life..after they get disappointed by the people they thought were BETTER than you..Because people need to run in packs, because they don’t feel safe alone..I run ALONE because I don’t feel safe in packs.. I have lived alone most of my life, I never felt alone..nor lonely. Really I never gave it much thought. But, I always had to have animals in my life! Animals have pure true hearts, people come with motives..
One of the saddest things I have learned is..People (family) will provoke you until they bring out your ugly side…then play the VICTIM when you go there!! That game..is now over. They don’t lie to you because the truth will hurt your feelings. They lie to you because the truth might provoke you to make choices that won’t serve THEIR INTEREST! SOOO WATCH-OUT! REMEMBER: Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to THEIR DISRESPECT!
The way I detach myself from people is by far the scariest part about me..Because I can LOVE you to death, and NEVER speak to you again. Just know..DON’T get me started..I DON’T come with BRAKES!
Now about this thing..we call LOVE..I have always thought, LOVE is just a temporary state-of-mind. NOT all LOVE..but I found it to be temporary with human relationships. They seem to never STAY in-love with you.. They will tell you they will love you forever..But..POOF.. they’re GONE! And off to leave you in thier dust. That’s pretty much why I stick with animals..They can love..UNCONDITIONALLY!! Whereas humans canNOT! Humans only love you..UNTIL the benefits stop! My mother once told me..not too long ago, Joni, YOU are the cause of EVERYONES problems..HOW THE HELL IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!!?? The day she screamed..GET OUT!! GET OUT!! I have never felt so hated by anyone in my life! And she told me..the most hurtful thing a parent could say to their OWN kid..(age is Irrelevant) QUOTE: I COULD BE HAPPY IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU! When I reminded her of saying this horrible mean thing to me, she says..STOP LIVING IN THE PAST!! I told her I have never said mean shit like that to my son in his life..and he hates me! She said..Then tell him..tell him WHAT? She says what I say to you..WOW..I told her I would NEVER say crap like that to my son, she says..why not..because I don’t feel like that towards my son..I LOVE MY SON..EVEN THO HE HATES ME!! She told me, You were a bad mother to your son. Then she says, Your house in Seattle was always a FILTHY DIRTY MESS! And I had to clean it every time I went there! EVERY BIT OF THAT IS A BOLD FACE LIE!! When I asked her..mom, WHY did you say those horrible UNTRUE things to me? She says..I NEVER SAID THAT..OMG YES YOU DID!! I have it ALL ON VIDEO! She has NOOO GUILT! NO HEART!! NOT for me. My mother & I doNOT speak anymore. I DO have this and MUCH more on video. So YES…I can prove every bit!
Most people have a difficult time with change. Especially if they see you stepping out..of their comfort zone. They will try an discourage you..tell you things like..oh..you really want to take a chance like that?! You could lose everything! It’s too big of a risk..better not. Or I don’t think you really know what your doing. You best stick with what you know. When I quit my job to open my own business, EVERYONE!! And I mean everyone told me I was a fool an I would surely fail! Except for one person..MY DAD! When I called him to tell him my plan..he says..”YOU CAN DO IT..YOU GOT SAND”! I laughed an asked Dad..”What’s Sand Dad”? He said TRUE GRIT BABY..TRUE GRIT! I had $1000 in my bank account, an my house payment was due in two weeks, and it was OVER twice as much as what I had! YES!! It paid off!! BIGGLY!! I absolutely loved what I did..I would have done it for free! Remember If you do what you love..You’ll never work a day in your life. And the money..will always follow. Not only did my business grow leaps and bounds..but so did I. I earned my prestigious ASID License, the highest achievement for an Interior Designer. And allows you to work your craft anywhere in the U.S. AMERICAN SOCIETY OF INTERIOR DESIGNERS. I had accounts in every showroom at the Seattle Design Center. I met builders of who I not only worked with, but also became good friends, who still are friends with today. I believe in taking risk! Cause someday when you get old..you’ll wish you had.
Be willing to walk alone – Many who started with you – Will not finish with you.. So..BLAZE YOUR OWN TRAILS!
Then there’s BETRAYAL.. BETRAYAL – THE WILFUL SLAUGHTER OF TRUST & LOVE…This is surely a heartbreaker! One of thee biggest! Everyone experiences this sometime in their life. BUT..when a person of who you love an care deeply for does this over & over again..an..again to you, that goes beyond forgivable! You need to cut this person OUT of your life. They have shown you they can never be trusted. Once you cross this line..once you have chosen to take this path..Just know..OUR PATHS WILL NEVER CROSS AGAIN.
HERE’S ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITE ONES OF ALL!!
I don’t believe in diets. People who diet, don’t stay on them..How can you do something your own body disagrees with? I don’t believe in trying to always eat the “RIGHT FOODS” I’m not saying eat ice cream everyday..or stuff your face with cheetos. Just have a common sense of BALANCE. IF you are having a craving for something..there IS a reason for that! It’s your body telling your brain..I need this..SO listen..and just do it! I believe our death date was set the moment we were conceived..NOTHING..you do can change that..nor stop it, but I think staying in shape..working-out, is always a good idea. No it won’t make you live longer, but it will sure as shit make you feel better while you are here..Mentally & Physically. I had the best times working out with Gail, man that girl was a Maniac!! I loved it when Gail would come to stay with me in Seattle, just so we could workout for a few days together. Then after our workout we would hit Zuppa’s..all you could eat, soup, pasta, & salad bar. We would be in there at least 2 hrs eating & laughing. We would eat a lot! I always had seconds..BUT Gail…every time she would eat at least thirds..and sometimes even more!! She always had a great appetite! I MISS MY SISTER!
IF things just haven’t been going your way for awhile..and you got your dauber down.. there’s only one thing to do…GO BUY A NEW PAIR OF WAY OVER PRICED FUCKEN COOL SHOES!! Works every time!!
My sweet loving..FUCKED-UP family wants to do an Intervention on me..they say..I MUST be on drugs, because (NORMAL) people don’t act like ME! I should be NORMAL LIKE THEM!! OK bring your pee jug..ANYTIME is fine with me..OH..and bring your Apologies..Then..FUCK-OFF! I wonder just how BIG my bank account NEEDS to be..for me to be NORMAL>>>LIKE THEM!
NEVER BELIEVE IN A ONE SIDED STORY..IT ALWAYS HAS SOME MISSING PAGES!
Scars on your heart are NOT left there from your enemies..They were left BY the very people that CLAIMED (ONCE) TO LOVE YOUR ASS THE MOST!!
Just how important is an apology? How does it make you feel when someone, of who you care very much about..says something to you in a way they KNOW will hurt you..they know it..an you know it. What do you do? Be silent, throw a fit, atack back..start a fight..or maybe process what you just heard? And let it go, hoping for an apology? But what happens when that apology never comes? Then they do it again..and why wouldn’t they..they got away with it before..RIGHT?! Just how many times are you going to let this person..of who you love an care very much about do this to you? You have now just become this person’s personal punching bag! Sad that even the ones we love the most, have no problem tearing our hearts out..then they don’t even give it a second thought..BUT YOU..just keep getting smaller an smaller..not just to them..but look what you’ve done to yourself! Your now the size of an ANT! Because once people cross that line of DISRESPECT..it’s very difficult to go back! Don’t wait for the person who loves you to die before you say your sorry..TOO LATE! And sadly that will haunt you the rest of your days. Over an over..again..an..again..I beat myself up..EVERY DAY..Of how I was to the person of who held the biggest real estate in my heart! My sister Gail. She needed me! I didn’t want to be anywhere else but with her also. But I sure as shit could have been MUCH FUCKEN BETTER to her than I was!! That totally consumes me! I talk to her everyday. I tell her I’M SOO SORRY!! I should have been soo much better than I was! I believe I was still wallowing in my self-pity over a STUPID FUCKEN CHEATING MAN..Of who didn’t deserve me in the first place..and who took 100% of my life AWAY! Then he turned his back on me..there was NOTHING LEFT! So you see..YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! Lesson learned!! AND TOO DAMN LATE!!
As you age, you make changes in who you are..Most times quite unaware. Not just little things, but very big changes of how you see the world..family..friends..lost loves..dead pets..favorite places..an so on. Your priorities change..as they should..that’s the great gift of getting..OLD! You are no longer the student, your now the teacher. Hopefully not just your mind grew..but your heart as well. One thing I personally have learned, of which is completely different of who I was 20+ yrs ago..I THINK before I respond. I will process the matter for AS LONG AS IT TAKES..before I make the decision of how I’m going to react to the situation at hand. This is a 100% different of who I use to be. I guess getting older/old does have its advantages after all.
Don’t leave that new outfit you got hanging in the closet for a special occasion..wear the shit out of it! Sometimes that special occasion never comes. And your NEW outfit becomes an OLD outfit.
I doNOT believe there is such a thing as..A coincidence..I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. I also believe it has been PRE-DESIGNED for us. Nothing happens JUST BY CHANCE! So..when some SMART-ASS says to you..SORRY ABOUT YOUR LUCK..You can let that dumbass know..LUCK – HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!
I don’t understand WHY..people say..Life is too short..OK..Hummm…Compared to what exactly? Like a Sea Turtle? YEPPERS, those fuckers can live over 500 years!! But what about a dog? They really got the short end of the stick..(no pun intended) But if you could ask them, how do you think they would feel? Do people really want to live forever? WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE want to live forever..when you could have a chance to be Reincarnated as a Giraffe!
I’m not one for funerals, I think it’s silly! The person in the box going in the ground..doesn’t even know nor give a shit your all there, standing around crying and saying stupid shit..YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID BEFORE THEY BITE THE DUST! To me, I believe it is a big damn waist of land on Mother Earth! We don’t NEED dead body’s taking up space when they are not even in the damn box anymore anyway. We turn to dust, there is nothing in the box but the clothing you put them in. Do you think clothing should take prime real estate space? And those freakin caskets!! HOLYSHITBALLS!! A cheap one is $10 Grand! RIDICULOUS!! In Germany they lease you a space for 5-7 yrs, depending on the size of your body, that’s it! Because they know there’s nothing left in the box, but ashes. So they dig your ass up..to make room for the next tenant. I absolutely doNOT want a funeral..and most of all..NO DAMN BOX FOR ME! Of any kind. Just throw my ashes to the wind..and let it go, maybe I’ll see you on the other side. IF I haven’t already turned into a Giraffe.
BE BOLD..BE CONFIDENT..ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT..YOU CAN DO IT!!
you can chose to be a kind person or you can just be an asshole..CHOICES!
BE AN UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR!